Mother-in-law calls 31-year-old daughter-in-law's cooking skills 'pathetic' during family dinner, husband faces fallout for not defending her: 'She refuses to cook and claims there is nothing wrong with not being able to cook'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Oct 5, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Knowing your way around the kitchen is one of those skills that many would deem to be essential, yet there are plenty of people out there who are clueless when it comes to the world of cooking. It's amazing that there are individuals who manage to traverse adulthood without knowing how to so much as boil an egg, but they exist—and they rely on others to take responsibility for what they eat.

This is something that one man has come up against since being with his wife, who does not know how to cook. The issue came to a head recently when they invited his mother over for dinner, and she criticized her daughter-in-law for not being able to cut fruit. His wife was annoyed that he didn't defend her against this, but Reddit was not so sure that he deserved the backlash. There were layers to this confrontation.

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  • 01
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    via Le Creuset

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for agreeing with my mom that it's kind of pathetic my wife can't cook
    via Plastic_Voice_6229
  • 03
    I (28M) have been married to my wife (31F) for about a year. Overall, things are great, but one thing that's been bugging me is that my wife doesn't know how to cook-at all. I've always been the one to handle meals, which I was fine with in the beginning because I enjoy cooking. But over time, it's started to wear on me, especially when I come home after a long day at work and still have to cook dinner while she relaxes. She refuses to cook and claims there is nothing wrong with not being able t
    via Plastic_Voice_6229
  • 04
    The other night, my mom (56F) came over for dinner. As usual, I was in the kitchen preparing everything, and my wife was sitting with my mom. At one point, my mom offered to help, and I asked if she could make the gravy or cut some fruit. My wife was standing around in the kitchen when my mom handed her a knife and asked her to cut some fruit while she handled the gravy. My wife couldn't figure out how to hold it properly and ended up making a mess. My mom watched her fail to cut the fruit and t
    via Plastic_Voice_6229
  • 05
    My mom left and she was I didn't defend her. That I embarrassed her by letting it happens We got into a bad argument and I told her that it is pathetic she can not even cut fruit. She is literally older than me and can't hold a knife properly. She told me that is not the point and I needed to defend her and it's not her fault she is bad at cooking. I point out it is, and she is embarrassed because not being able to hold a knife properly is embarrassing for an adult My wife thinks I am a huge
    via Plastic_Voice_6229
  • 06
    So update: I definitely think this is weaponized incompetence, I will suggest marriage counseling and cooking classes. If things don't change I will be out. I will make this very clear Also for those asking, it was strawberries. She was smushing them and cutting them with the stems still on
    via Plastic_Voice_6229
  • 07
    Tdluxon Nta Does she do the dishes/help cleanup? I don't think it really matters which partner does the cooking necessarily as long as the other is helping and the standard deal that almost everyone seems to follow is that if one person cooks, the other person cleans up. In my house, my wife usually cooks and I usually clean, which is fine because she enjoys cooking and is good (I'm OK, I can cook but she's definitely better). My mom and stepfather though are essentially the opposite... she got
    via Tdluxon
  • 08
    Plastic_Voice_6229 OP No, not really. I usally clean as a cook so not much to do and I don't really count putting your dish in the dishwasher to be much
    via Plastic_Voice_6229
  • 09
    neobeguine I don't cook or do the dishes in my house in exchange for doing all other household cleaning including laundrey so I do think it's possible to make this equitable, but I can prepare rice or pasta, make a couple simple dishes, and certainly cut some darned fruit. This sounds like weaponized incompetence to me
    via neobeguine
  • 10
    almondorchard I used to think it didn't matter which partner cooked and which did the dishes (I was the one who cooked, my ex refused to learn or try to learn). Then we had kids. The mental load of meal planning and prep and managing all food decisions for a family of four for 18 years changed my mind. Cleanup is just cleanup, there's no mental labor involved, it's a discrete task that is done and over quickly. Meal planning and cooking is an ongoing grind and the actual cooking is just the tip
    via almondorchard
  • 11
    CrimsonKnight_004 ESH - Your mom shouldn't have called her pathetic, and I can see why your wife would be hurt that you didn't say anything to defend her. You shouldn't have called her pathetic either. That isn't constructive and will only make her feel hurt and defensive. It isn't fair for her to expect you to do all the cooking, and needs to make a reasonable effort to learn. Especially something as basic as holding a knife. Did she not have a parent who could teach her? It might not necessari
    via CrimsonKnight_004
  • 12
    Insulting someone is the best way to kill their want to learn. If you and your mom make this a negative experience for her, she will not want to learn. You need to sit down and have an adult conversation with her, that cooking everything has been too much on you, and you'd like to bond with her through helping her learn to cook. Maybe you could even get one of those subscription boxes like HelloFresh once a week, an easy meal with all of the ingredients and recipe to follow, and you two can make
    via CrimsonKnight_004
  • 13
    RaisinPrestigious 758 Thank you! The question isn't "shouldn't my wife know how to cook?" The question is "should my wife be upset that I let my mother insult her and did nothing?" Because for that, huge YTA.
    via RaisinPresitigious758
  • 14
    mootheuglyshoe Agreed with the above. ESH. Honestly, in my experience, when people refuse to learn a skill it's because of some fear/shame around it, and then they feel overwhelmed. It's possible she's had bad experiences cooking. To OP: Imagine how your wife feels. She has a fear/shame around cooking, your mother calls her pathetic and treats her like a child right in front of you, you do nothing and when she voices her pretty valid concern that you did not defend her, you double down and reite
    via mootheuglyshoe
  • 15
    nonameplz87654 How did she survive before she met you?
    via nonameplz87564
  • 16
    flax97 It is really the parents who failed to pass on a basic skill. But NTA because your wife doesn't want to learn
    via flax97
  • 17
    Plastic_Voice_6229 OP Her old job, provided food for employees and then dinner was takeout basically I had no idea she didn't cook whatso ever
    via Plastic_Voice_6229
  • 18
    thehellcat ΝΤΑ These comments are wild. Every adult should know basic cooking skills in order to feed themselves, such as using a knife safely to cut fruit. She had this coming to her one way or another, honestly.
    via thehellcat
  • 19
    wombatlikesgrass NTA. Your wife should at least know how to cut fruit and some basic dishes. She seems lazy by not even trying or asking how to go about things if she really doesn't know. I understand your frustration and your mom's as well, but maybe you should try to have an honest conversation about it (again). There's clearly an imbalance and that shouldn't be the case.
    via wombatlikesgrass

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family drama aita cooking wife relationships husband argument mother in law kitchen family reddit thread Reddit mom
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